Pony Ride!
by Lugian Before Swine
Summary: Foaly turns into an Arabian stallion and Artemis and Holly decide to have a little fun with him in his new state... A/H.
1. The Random Transformation

**Author's Note: Ummmm, this is a weird story...I don't know how it came to me, I was doing nothing at the time...**

**Disclaimer: Eoin Colfer owns the Artemis Fowl characters. I own the random little kids.**

**Title: Pony Ride!**

**Chapter 1: The Random Transformation**

Foaly was in the Ops Booth when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in!" he called absentmindedly, waving a hoof in the general direction of the door.

The door opened slightly; a small stick poked out of the gap and tapped the ground of the Ops Booth, and a small bottle appeared, full of orange liquid..

"Come in!" Foaly shouted again, louder this time.

Getting annoyed, he twirled around in his chair, expecting Grub playing a badly rehearsed trick, but instead saw the bottle sitting there on the floor.

"Hmm..."

He picked up the bottle carefully. The instant it touched his hand, a transformation began to take place. Foaly's hands and arms began to shrivel and then disappear, as did his head and then his torso. His whole front was now replaced with the head and neck of an Arabian stallion.

He whinnied as a test. Then he found that he could still talk.

A resounding scream filled the Ops Booth.

Holly and Artemis happened to be walking towards the Ops Booth when they heard the scream.

"I sure hope he's all right..." said Holly and began to run to Foaly's aid. Artemis started to run after her.

Holly burst the door open.

"WOAH!"

"He's been turned into a horse," said Artemis flatly, catching up to Holly. "An Arabian, if I'm not mistaken."

"Are you okay?" Holly asked urgently. "Can you still talk?"

"I am fine, and I seem to have retained my power of speech. However, as you can see..."

"We know, Foaly, you've been turned into a horse," said Holly. "Wait a minute..."

"What? You think you know how you can change me back?" Foaly whinnied urgently.

Holly turned around to face Artemis, and whispered something in his ear. The smile on his face grew wider with every word.

"And think of all the money we'd make!" she finished joyfully.

"Well then, I suppose I'll take care of the funding..." said Artemis.

"This is gonna be great! Don't worry, Foaly, we're not going to harm you in any way," said Holly quickly, seeing the look on Foaly's face.

"What are you two up to? I don't like the look on Artemis's face..."

Artemis had his eyes closed and was smirking happily.

"You're right, it is a bit creepy..." agreed Holly. She walked behind Artemis and poked him hard in that magical, painful spot. Artemis yelped.

"Okay, Holly, I get it..."

"Then let's get started!" she yelled.

"What exactly are you going to do to me?" winced Foaly as Holly pulled a tape measure around his head.

"You'll find out soon enough," Artemis and Holly said in chorus, and then stared at Foaly with contented eyes.


	2. Cars, PetSmart, and State Line Tack

**A/N: Hello again! I hope you like this chapter...it was sort of a spur-of-the-moment type thing. Anyways, onward we trudge!**

**Disclaimer: We all know that I own the random little kids only, which will come into play later on. I also do not own PetSmart, or the State Line Tack company.**

**Title: Pony Ride!**

**Chapter 2: Cars, PetSmart, and State Line Tack**

"Holly, I didn't know Artemis could drive," said Foaly, squished into the back seat of the Fowl Bentley.

"He can't, _legally_," replied Holly with a smirk.

"Exactly," said Artemis, narrowly missing a squirrel. The car in the next lane over honked its horn.

"Shut up!" yelled Holly out the window.

"We all seem to be very excited today," said Foaly sarcastically.

"Ohhhhh yes!" chorused Holly and Artemis. **((My they're very _with it_, aren't they?))**

"Here we are!" said Artemis suddenly, pulling into the drive of a very large store. It said "PetSmart".

Artemis nearly ran into the curb.

"Wow, this is fun!" screamed Holly, flailing her arms wildly. "Do it again, do it again!"

Artemis brushed a tree.

"Yay!" shouted Holly, a bit too enthusiastically.

Finally they pulled into the parking lot.

"Foaly, you just stay back here," said Artemis. "I promise we'll be out in twenty minutes, tops."

"You better be," sulked Foaly, and he attempted to lie down. It didn't work.

Holly and Artemis left the car. Foaly could hear Artemis lock the car, and then they disappeared into the store. Foaly sighed. He knew they would be in there a lot longer than twenty minutes.

Holly and Artemis entered the store. There were dogs _everywhere_.

"Oh darn. Well, let's just head back there, there shouldn't be as many of them there..." muttered Artemis.

A huge sign hung from the ceiling that said _Horses_. Holly and Artemis began to walk towards the sign.

"Can I help you?" asked a tall blonde woman.

"No thank you," said Holly politely and they walked away.

They soon found the saddles. And then the bridles. And then the halters, and the lead ropes, and the saddle pads.

"Do we really need all of this?" asked Artemis, holding up a red saddle pad.

"Yes," said Holly. "I know exactly what we need. An English saddle, a bridle with a snaffle bit, a halter, a lead rope, a saddle pad, a curry comb, a hard brush..." The list went on and on. They also needed a soft brush, a hoof pick, a mane comb, a shedding blade, a sweat scraper, clips, bands, and medicines. Holly fell in love with the model horses as well, so Artemis caved in and bought her the most expensive one.

"Oh thank you so much Artemis!"she shrieked, and kissed him on the cheek.Artemis turned a deep shade of red and looked away.

They walked up to the checkout counter with three shopping baskets full of horse stuff. One was being pushed by Holly's foot.

After they rang it all up, the cashier said Artemis owed him $3,589.34 and Artemis handed him a Visa. That took care of that.

"My father will hardly know it's gone," he whispered to Holly, and she giggled.

"This is gonna be so FUN!" she yelled, and then resumed her position of pushing one of the many shopping carts.

Upon reaching the car, they found Foaly asleep in what looked like a very uncomfortable position.

After cramming everything into the car, they both got in, and Artemis drove away. They were headed towards an abandoned park, which, in a couple hours, would be abandoned no more.

**Hmmm...well, you decide. It was sort of short, I admit, but...hey. I try. **

**Anyway, please review. It really is VERY helpful to me. And, I will soon be coming out with a new story which will be weird like these. So watch for it!**

**Bye!**

**The Insane Lugian**


	3. Set Up

**A/N: Hello again! It's been a while and I feel bad about that...FORGIVE ME! PLEASE! Anyway...here is Chapter 3 of Pony Ride!**

**Disclaimer: I own the random little kids. I do not own any Artemis Fowl characters. The End.**

**Title: Pony Ride!**

**Chapter 3: Set Up**

Artemis, Holly, and Foaly arrived at the abandoned park. Holly began to unpack the car, while Artemis set up a tent. Foaly was still asleep.

After the tent had been set up, Artemis and Holly heaved the saddle onto a rack that they had brought with them. The bridle hung from a hook on the rack. The saddle pad, riser, halter, and lead rope were in a crate next to the rack. In another crate were the grooming supplies, medicines, clips, and bands.

Artemis went inside to wake Foaly up. He groaned and complained about how much he hurt.

Holly slipped the halter onto Foaly's head, then clipped the lead rope to it. They loosely tethered him to a tree and began to groom him.

"First the curry comb to get the dirt up," Holly told Artemis. "Then the hard brush to brush the dirt away, but don't use it on his face..."

It went like that for quite some time, all the way down to picking the hooves. Then Foaly got some medicine. He soon passed out from the taste.

Artemis then bandaged Foaly's legs, even though he didn't have to, while Holly put clips in his mane and tail. She then clipped his tiny bit of forelock together with a bow clip, and then stepped back to admire her work. He looked strong. He looked muscular. He looked..._kid friendly. _

Holly giggled. This was going to be so much fun!

Once Foaly was ready to go (besides saddle and bridle), they began advertising. Holly ran around the neighborhood next door screaming about it. Artemis drove around with a sign stuck to the back of the car. And soon, a row of customers lined up to...

Ride Foaly.

Artemis and Holly quickly tacked him. The first little kid was loaded on. That was when Foaly came to.

"WHAT THE D'ARVITIN' CRAP!" shouted Foaly. The little kid said "off," in a very scared way. Artemis pulled him down.

"You have to be quiet!" hissed Holly to Foaly. "You're scaring the little children!"

"But they're riding me," whimpered Foaly.

"You're a horse now, remember?" said Holly. "People ride horses! Plus we're getting paid $10.00 fortwice around the track! So just go with it, okay?"

"Okay," sighed Foaly. The small child was reloaded and Foaly walked slowly around the track.

Just as Artemis was counting the money to make sure it was enough, he thought he saw..._someone familiar_...walking down the sidewalk.

Just as she got closer, it occurred to Artemis who she was.

Opal Koboi was walking down the street to get a pony ride.

**MUAHAHAHAHA! Cliffie-cliffie! Yes, Opal wants to ride Foaly! What could be weirder?**

**Well, actually, I** **can think of a lot of things that would be weirder...**

**Anyway...**

**Bye!**

**The Insane Lugian**


	4. One Evil Pony

**A/N: Hello again! How are you all today? Ok anyway... Here's chapter 4 of Pony Ride! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: With all my heart, mind, and soul, I wish I owned Artemis Fowl. But I don't. Boo hoo.**

**Title: Pony Ride!**

**Chapter 4: One Evil Pony**

Artemis Fowl II was seething. How could you not be when your arch enemy of all time was walking right toward you down the sidewalk?

Artemis pressed his fingers to his temples at an attempt to be calm. Of course, it didn't work. Sohe gritted his teeth and watched her, feeling separated from his earthly body.

Then he came back, as a hand clasped his shoulder. He jumped and turned around. Holly was behind him, her grip on his shoulder getting tighter as her rage grew.

"Artemis," she near growled, "Look at the scum that is walking down the sidewalk." Her grip was beginning to hurt.

"I see," muttered Artemis through clenched teeth. "Now please loosen your grip!"

"Sorry," said Holly quickly, pulling her hand away. "I am angry," she said bluntly. "What are we going to do?"

Artemis thought for a minute. Then he got something, just as Opal was approaching the tent.

"Wait until she gets in line," hissed Artemis. "Then say that we're taking a break, but everyone in line can still get a ride." Holly slowly nodded as Artemis finished whispering his plan to her. "And tell Foaly during the next ride. He's going to need some warning."

- - - - - - - - - - -

All the little kiddies had been given rides except Opal. Now was the time to put Artemis's plan into action.

No one wanted to touch Opal to hoist her up, so she had to stand on a picnic table and get on herself. She had a big goofy smile plastered across her face, but she didn't say a word.

Holly took the lead rope and began walking ultra-slowly. It was hard to even call this pace walking.

Holly tilted her head to look at Artemis, who was watching the street. When no one was there to see, he gave a thumbs-up sign to Holly, and the ride really began.

"Faster?" whispered Opal tentatively. She spoke like a five-year-old.

"Faster? Okay, here goes," said Holly, and she took one quick step and then slowed again.

"No," whined Opal. "Faster!"

"Are you sure? He goes pretty fast," said Holly, patting Foaly's neck.

"I sure! Faster!" screeched Opal.

"Alright, here goes..." Holly let go of Foaly's lead rope as he broke into a canter, then a gallop.

Opal could only hang on and wait for this to end.

Foaly galloped tight circles, throwing Opal off-balance. Then he bucked over and over again. He lifted his front end up, rearing like a mad horse, and Opal obviously didn't know you were supposed to hang on to the horse's neck when it did that. Foaly proceeded to kick and lash with all four legs, turning it into one more buck. As Opal began to slide off, Foaly did some fancy double-barreling, which finally knocked her off. As Foaly stamped his hoof in victory, he realized he had just crushed Opal's arm. Oh well. She could pay for surgery.

Holly and Artemis came running up to Foaly and began to congratulate him. Just then, a little girl came by and said, "Are you off break yet? I want another ride!"

Holly dragged Opal's unconscious body away as Artemis distracted the little girl.

"Ten dollars," said Artemis. The little girl handed it to him. "Go ride our wonder-pony!" he shouted. The little girl bounded joyfully into the ring.

Holly picked up the lead rope and re-began her job as leader of the horse. But just then, the girl spotted Opal's body.

"AAAHHHH!" she shrieked, toppling off of Foaly's back.

Holly glared at Foaly with a knowing look in her eyes.

"I didn't do anything! I swear!" shouted Foaly.

"Forgot to put your back leg down," said Holly.

"Eeep," Foaly said, putting the hoof back on the ground. Holly continued to glare.

"...It was a good opportunity!" said Foaly defensively, as Holly picked the girl off the ground and headed back towards the tent.

"We have a bad pony, Artemis," she said.

"I see," said Artemis. Although he did not see because he was too busy counting money.

**I have realized that I never reply to reviews in any of my stories. I suppose I could start soon...by the way, there will be one, _maybe _two more chapters before this story is complete. Then I promise I will get back to I Am Lacking a Better Title. **

**Thank you, and as always, review!**

**The Insane Lugian**


	5. All's Well That Ends Well We Would Hope

**A/N: I'M SO VERY SORRY! SO VERY, VERY, VERY SORRY! I know I haven't updated this in like two months, and I apologize! I'm so sorry! Forgive me, please! I had horrible writer's block, you know how it is! Anyway, cut the drama; here's chapter 5!**

**Disclaimer: I seem to be having immense difficulty trying to come up with a creative disclaimer. So here's a short, boring one: I don't own. Yahoo.**

**Pony Ride!**

**Chapter 5: All's Well That Ends Well (We Would Hope)**

"Gross income?" inquired Holly.

"After all expenses...negative 450 dollars."

"..."

"A radical negative number, yes...but it was fun!" shouted Artemis.

"Yeah, but...I'm sorry..."

"'Bout what?"

"For making you lose money..."sighed Holly.

"Oh, whatever. Wouldn't you agree that it was fun?" said Artemis hopefully.

"Well, yeah...I guess it was," said Holly, beginning to smile.

Foaly had been taken back to Police Plaza. He was still a horse, but he was getting used to it. Actually, it wasn't that bad at all.

The gang never found out who tapped the ground, or what was in that odd bottle, but Holly has assured Foaly that the effect must wear off sometime.

"Hmm, never gave a second thought to Opal...we just left her there...I wonder what happened to her?" questioned Artemis.

**-Abandoned Park-**

Opal pulled herself off the ground. Her arm felt like a semi had run it over.

"OOOHH...it hurts," she squealed.

She rested herself against the fence. What had happened? She couldn't remember a thing. Suddenly, a figure came running towards the arena. Opal squinted, and found that it was a woman. She was carrying a potato. Her face looked oddly familiar, but Opal could not place it...

"Oh darling! My darling! What happened to you, dearie?" called the woman.

"Darling?" said Opal aloud, her childish brain thinking back...far back...she wasn't always a child...

"Dearie, dearie, what happened?" said the woman, dropping her potato and hugging Opal.

"I know you," Opal whispered.

"Well, of course you do! I'm your mom! Oh dear Belinda, what _happened?_"

Everything was still for a moment.

"Belinda?" Opal breathed. "Mom?"

"You silly! Did you hit your head?"

Memories came rushing back like a raging river. Cow, hitting her head...she wandered away...an evil pony...fainting...her older self...

"BELINDA! SAY SOMETHING! TELL ME YOU KNOW WHO I AM!"

Opal regained her older self. "Oh, I know who you are. Believe me."

"Oh, darling!" cried the woman. "Let's take you to the doctor's! Whatever happened to your arm?"

"Long story," sighed Opal. "A very long one. Wait a second...WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"

"Belinda..."

"MY NAME IS OPAL! OPAL! BOW DOWN TO ME, FOR YOU ARE A MERE PEASANT!"

"Belinda, darling..."

"CLINICCLINICCLINIC!" screamed Opal. "MUST GET TO CLINIC!" And with that, she shot off.

"Mommy?" came a voice from behind the woman. The woman turned slowly around.

"Oh, there you are! I've been looking all over for you! I thought that brat was you at first, Belinda! Come to mommy!"

The small child jumped into her mother's arms, and they proceeded to walk away from the scene.

O.o

**-Police Plaza-**

"Well, all's well that ends well!" shouted Artemis.

"We would hope..." said Holly.

**This story is completed at last! I hope the weirdness wasn't too...weird. I PROMISE I will get back to I Am Lacking A Better Title now.**

**Bye!**

**The Insane Lugian**


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